I can't not think about this, it's something that's in your face. The international couples are generally only split one way. You know the ones, old western man, much younger Thai woman. It's the kind of exploitative relationship that stories and media coverage had led me to expect. But of course it's not that so simple. Not to say awful things aren't happening, but its more complicated. For a while I'm ignoring the inevitable men who have bought a partner for sex and instead considering the couples.
It starts with spending a lot of time in a bar. The owner and her friends are all single mums, and while the father isn't totally absent from the lives of their children, it's monthly at best. 'Thai men no good' they joke. One small difference is the much older westerners are often planning to settle. (Though may eventually be absent from their children's lives for obvious reasons). It breaks the fantasy of the alternative being a perfect lifelong relationship simply because the culture is other and the imagination hadn't stretched to separation.
Its curious how they get along, with cultural and linguistic barriers. Some of the younger men who settle (late thirties or forties) have learned conversational Thai, but it seems the majority don't, even after a decade. They interact with the world through their partners, tourists still. Sometimes in the evenings two separate groups socialise in the same place, the ex-pats and the Thais, sitting interleaved. But there are other differences, the age can't be ignored. Sometimes their health seems failing and the Thai lady almost plays the part of nurse, maid and partner.
Money is the big inequality. The strongest argument is the dependence on money, would these relationships be happening without it. And it's true, when someone is relatively so much richer they can buy what they want. But this isn't completely fair on Thailand, it's not all abject poverty. I meet one woman, 44, complaining that her western boyfriend sends her barely more than a salary for sitting around in Chiang mai. She is rather displeased at the suggestion of working, though knows without a relationship this can't last forever. She says that for this business her looks will only last a couple of years. There is a small implication here, that women often work in Thailand. It actually does quite well in international comparisons of female entrepreneurs and small business ownership.
I've met two expats, one with his part Thai son, who were left by their Thai partners. I'm perhaps perverse in thinking that failure is a good sign, the more signs of free choice the better.
I'm careful to leave room for the awful things that are happening. The children forced into the industry, inequality, lack of choice. But it doesn't match what I expected to find, what could.
It starts with spending a lot of time in a bar. The owner and her friends are all single mums, and while the father isn't totally absent from the lives of their children, it's monthly at best. 'Thai men no good' they joke. One small difference is the much older westerners are often planning to settle. (Though may eventually be absent from their children's lives for obvious reasons). It breaks the fantasy of the alternative being a perfect lifelong relationship simply because the culture is other and the imagination hadn't stretched to separation.
Its curious how they get along, with cultural and linguistic barriers. Some of the younger men who settle (late thirties or forties) have learned conversational Thai, but it seems the majority don't, even after a decade. They interact with the world through their partners, tourists still. Sometimes in the evenings two separate groups socialise in the same place, the ex-pats and the Thais, sitting interleaved. But there are other differences, the age can't be ignored. Sometimes their health seems failing and the Thai lady almost plays the part of nurse, maid and partner.
Money is the big inequality. The strongest argument is the dependence on money, would these relationships be happening without it. And it's true, when someone is relatively so much richer they can buy what they want. But this isn't completely fair on Thailand, it's not all abject poverty. I meet one woman, 44, complaining that her western boyfriend sends her barely more than a salary for sitting around in Chiang mai. She is rather displeased at the suggestion of working, though knows without a relationship this can't last forever. She says that for this business her looks will only last a couple of years. There is a small implication here, that women often work in Thailand. It actually does quite well in international comparisons of female entrepreneurs and small business ownership.
I've met two expats, one with his part Thai son, who were left by their Thai partners. I'm perhaps perverse in thinking that failure is a good sign, the more signs of free choice the better.
I'm careful to leave room for the awful things that are happening. The children forced into the industry, inequality, lack of choice. But it doesn't match what I expected to find, what could.
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