Lonely Planet India (Italiano)

You willa not lika the food. Stay with mamma, mamma cook you something gooda tonight.

Safety note: You may find you become ill after ignoring all given food advice in favour of choosing the dish you like the description of.

Editors note: Sadly, there seems to be a misprint in some previous revisions of Lonely Planet India (Italiano). For all locations, all restaurants are now considered unsuitable.

The overcrowded world of Soylent Green is here

It's India. At night you see it, people asleep on the main road between the lanes, on pavements, in gutters, on benches. The population growth is at best linear, at worst it calls for the people trucks..

It's starting to feel like home. The routine, the people, the changes. Somehow the touts and the beggars recognise an India-hardened out-of-season bum. I have another agreeing voice, the National Gallery of Modern Art is one of the must see places in Delhi.

If you want to see trapped minds, watch the passive aggressive cleaning staff of New Delhi Airport try and wipe out passengers with their cleaning vehicles. The trolley shifters take this to the next level by creating near unstoppable trains of trolleys, of almost unbelievable length and handled by up to 6 staff. These inevitably lead to collisions and humorous interruptions of the passengers leaving the gates.

Chitlang trek

In searching for the nearest lake to Kathmandu to swim I discovered both a beautiful lake and a pleasant trek. If you ever end up sat in Kathmandu, consider Thankot-Chitlang-Kulekhani. It meets my standards of perfection, being easy enough to walk without preparation and free of other tourists (at least at the start of the rains). Also it gets you out of Kathmandu...

There is a bus to Thankot from the city bus stand, and it takes about 30 minutes, depending on the normal waiting for passengers routine. Once you arrive you want to head south, it's a small road up the hill, any local will point you in the right direction if you ask for Chitlang. By chance I met a local walking home to the village at the top of the ridge (just over half way to Chitlang).

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It takes about 4 hours (locals far less) to walk from Thankot to Chitlang. There are two routes, the road and the path, which cross frequently on the way up the hill. The path is supposedly shorter, and winds through the forest, but has disadvantages. Some sections are steep and slippery in the permanent cloud (which can apparently last for 3 months) and the leech level is quite high. The alternative is the road, it's not so bad. The road is surrounded by much of the same landscape and you will be passed by only a handful of vehicles during your trek.

Some good mountain views on the way up the hill, back over the Kathmandu valley. You can see snow covered mountains between the layers of cloud.

On the other side of the ridge you can see the town, its quite spread out with buildings all over the valley. You can see what they are trying to attract tourists with. Most of the local architecture still looks like more traditional Nepal.

Chitlang has heard of tourists and the accommodation in homestays is typically organised into fixed packages of Rs1000 - Rs1500 including food. As this is a little pricey just negotiate, asking about the room and each meal in turn. Nepalis are too reasonable to overcharge you when you break it down and you might agree around Rs750 total off season. To reach Kulekhani lake it's another 3 hours plus (locals will tell you less) down the valley, you can follow the road. It's green and pleasant here... homely after India. If it's before the rainy season you might spot some aiselu for a snack on the way. (Yellow raspberries which grow a lot like blackberries in England).

The first village you arrive at on the lake edge is actually 'Marko'. There is accommodation here as with every small town along the lake edge. If you head along the lake it's another few hours to reach KuleKhani village itself, as the road winds along the many valleys at the lake edge. You might spot some local industry, such as this water-powered corn (American usage) mill.

I can't think of a better route back than to retrace the same path. There probably is one, if you fancy exploring.

Note for swimmers: if you're trying to do the length of the lake heading for the hut at the center of the fish farms allows you to cross the booms of nets.

Ungoods

It's an old complaint, but 'Goods' no longer fits. The quality of so many products in India and Nepal is so poor that it pains my natural sense of efficiency, it's just a waste (cont. Engineering the world, Aldous Huxley).

Whether you are talking about the shoes, which are so poor they break when you try them on, or rain coats which leak, the standard is low. There is no quality assurance, words mean nothing. It's just a country full of small shop owners who have stacked their shops full of rubbish they try and move on.

It's not as if India is alone in this problem, it has happened before. Brands emerged in other countries out of the sea of unreliability and small businesses, and their own Del Boys. The trouble here is that words mean nothing, you can buy clothes marked with 'north face' in half the stores in Delhi and Kathmandu, but its about as useful as the link below. Every term is used and abused. All the low quality mostly synthetic cloth is labeled as Pashmina, or Cashmere, or for my favourite '70% Pashmina 30% silk'. That's roughly equivalent to 100% bullshit. You will over pay for what you buy, the sole objective of most store owners is to screw you for what they can get. Ok, this isn't entirely true, ignoring deceptive pictures food products here do have well established brands, measures and pricing. There are also reputable brands and stores in India, away from the tourist areas.

While I wouldn't want this to be seen as some vengeful rant, as aside from a leaking raincoat I haven't bought anything I felt greatly upset by, it's frustrating to watch. I've seen one American woman ranting at a store in Pokhara, Nepal at their lack of values and mistreatment of people. I didn't know exactly what her problem was, but I suspect that either what she bought didn't work or she ended up paying several times the normal rate. The answer is, if you want to buy anything, from clothing, to silk, to pashmina, or cashmere, or trekking gear. Do it back home, there is likely no bargain to be had.

I leave you with
http://9gag.com/gag/aOK6L1r

Bubbles

How long do you remain protectionist. India has emerged from some level of economic protectionism, or is emerging, as rather uncompetitive. My thoughts were confirmed by an article in a Nepali paper on this subject. The example was clothing, which India should be a key manufacturer of, but ends up by a long way as a net importer from China. They point to the number of small businesses in India greatly reducing efficiency and hindering exports. The more worrying figure is that Indian growth is slowing, while still far behind the economies of other countries, and that factory output has briefly dipped for the first time in years. The future, from the fascist world of economics as the hippies tell me, or reality as I like to call it, is not so bright.

Internal Tourism

Domestic tourism is significant and growing in India (at least at the high end). The figures are roughly 6 million foreign tourist visits per year (as an export) and 700 million domestic tourists. Unfortunately domestic tourism is rather distinctive. Take the mountain town of Shimla, built by the British as a summer retreat and displaying some Victorian style architecture in a beautiful mountain backdrop. It's an 'official tourist place' and Indian tourists come in their thousands during the two months of the year deemed 'the best time to visit'. As far as I can see the main attraction in the town is the sight of thousands of other tourists... Domestic tourists almost always come as a family group, and almost always travel in a white car or white jeep, marked with the words 'tourist vehicle'. Because naturally a tourist has to come in a tourist vehicle (there is some permit related issue). As I leave the town I pass a 1.2km traffic jam of perhaps 200 of these 'tourist vehicles' waiting to enter. Not the place for me.

I feared for a while that this was simply an ungrounded prejudice of mine against Indians... something which I abhor. But then it struck me, the difference is that these are family holidays, or honeymoons. As a traveler you don't really want to be stuck in a resort full of either. Also as higher paying tourists, you can't afford to be stuck in a resort populated by this group. On the other hand, in a couple of glimpses of domestic tourism in Nepal, I've seen groups of Nepali men on walking and cycling holidays between the mountain towns. Refreshing.

Just Cringeworthy

The main beauty creams (implied skin whitening, as perversely the perceived ideal skin tone in India is whiter than the tanned models of Europe) are called "Fair and Handsome", or in Nepal "Fair and Lovely". So if you want to please your grandmother, you might want to pick up some cosmetics (these are products targeted to men, there are equivalents). I've already shared my mind on their 'anti dullness' activity.

It get's worse, there is a new super-campus university plastering India with advertisements. "Lovely Professional University". That will be reverberating around the water coolers of Western human resources departments for years to come.

Copying things

India has a habit of copying Western ideas, but getting them subtly and fundamentally wrong. Take the 'trade union' cartels, or the speed bumps in fast roads, or the plastic wrapped station food. The lack of food hygiene is a problem in India, and it's not an unknown problem. As a result its effectively required that all rail station food in India is polythene wrapped. But naturally this completely ignores any other aspect of hygiene. It's still the same bacteria laden food prepared on unwashed chopping boards with unwashed knives with unwashed or rinsed hands. It's not much more than a polymer based incubator, keeping in the water which is so very precious to all organisms. Of course this damning view is complete fabrication, my sample is only from watching two stands preparing their food during my many station hours, some places will naturally have better hygiene than others, but the packaging is so misguided that it is painful. I've tested this theory, and while I managed not to throw up out of the bus window (there is someone on every journey) the food did make me nauseous.

Because creativity isn't taught here. I've mentioned before, some Indians are taught from a young age not to think. You watch school children copying (tracing) drawings, but ask them to draw it themselves, and they wont try. (My samples are small and my generalisations extreme. In a way my criticisms are almost a deliberate parody of the 'its all wrong here' foreigner, but this is the scene in a dystopian horror where the narrative character starts pulling his hair out in frustration and screaming 'think, damn you, think for yourselves')

So you have chosen the path of pain

Getting onto the general compartment of a packed overnight train is a new experience. When the train arrives the chaos begins, even as the first unreserved coaches thunder past people open the doors and leap into the moving train. Sometimes there is a cluster of people hanging from the door which I'm shocked doesn't wipe anyone out on the platform. When the train slows the real chaos begins. People are pushing like driven animals, children are caught in the crush to get into the train but nobody thinks anything of it. It's almost violent, and gets heated quickly. In amongst the chaos people are illegally loading bags which look like cargo into the packed unreserved compartments. Anyone is looking to make what they can in India... by chance and by ending up boarding the train towards the back of the surge I make the only spot I'd have been happy with, between the two doors of the train. I manage to pack my bags under the sink behind me, and hold on to my spot. Thankfully people seem willing to push past into the carriage and nobody challenges me. The humidity is 85% and I keep the supply of water in my mind in case the temperatures get too high.
Some people quickly make their way into each of the toilets, and lock the door from the inside. They have secured their spot, at the cost of all the other passengers. They don't stop at this selfish disregard, they rip the shutters off the walls to cover the toilets in the floor. I hear a thud first from one compartment and then the other. This is clearly an every man for himself kind of journey.
The train is packed, but thankfully just at the level where our bodies are not directly touching. There isn't enough space for everyone to sit on the floor, but if people take it in turns then they can each get some rest sitting down sleeping. To start off with at least its quite cordial. But damn my long legs, when I sit, I don't quite fit and it's almost as stressful as standing. I opt to stand, and lean my head into the wall. The hardest part of the night is around 4am to 6am. We each find ourselves falling asleep and coming to with a slap against the walls. A small laugh goes round, we all know it.
During the last stretch of the day the train is even fuller, but the end is in sight. After 15 hours on the train and another full day, some 40 hours awake, I have very very fat feet.

Haryana Roadways driving in Himachal Pradesh...

... win the title for most insane mountain driving. I love you all. I've traveled on a bus in Nepal which had some shocking lateral G forces before, but the more sweeping curves of the better constructed Indian roads give you a clue as to the speed. On the Kathmandu-Pokhara road the drivers will quite often back off from the blind overtakes, not so here, they made the road wide enough for a 3 wide sandwhich wich magically fits together as the vehicles pass. Beyond the edge of the road is a steep drop for over a hundred meters into the valley. A woman is thrown into the side of the bus with a thud on one sharp turn, but she just calmly smiles. If I brace myself with my feet I can stay in my chair without too much work, but I look around the bus. Everyone else is perfectly calm and relaxed, nothing to see here.

Chandigarh

In short, meet the Indian Milton Keynes. It's a planned city on a grid, with straight obstruction free roads, organised traffic and intersections, and a good bus service (if perhaps the least friendly government staff I have encountered). The city is divided into numbered sectors, with residential areas, parks and retail and so on. Naturally it's completely without character, and pre-monsoon is a bit on the dusty side. It's also one of the cities which has the enforced lack of cheap rooms, so I can't recommend it as even a stopover. The one upside is the clean looking housing neighbourhoods, the sight of children playing cricket in the small green park spaces between the houses, there is potential. However, all my daydreams of a planned Indian city are smashed. I've often considered what it would look like to design a city as it should be, with free space and working sewers and no encroachment and slums and so on. I see now.

Places not to go

In short, from the limited places I have seen in India, stick to the south, or the Himalayas, or even Nepal, its basically India, but nicer. I'm not sure if I want to spend the time in the North to find out if its as grim as my impressions so far have indicated.

Inefficiency on the road

In the backwards sequence of posts that is a blog, or the bowel movements of a self important writer, I've often been frustrated by inefficiency. As an Engineer; not that I like to define someone by employment, but an Engineer is by nature a problem solver; this 'new sin against the holy ghost' (Aldous Huxley in notes on a Brave New World) is a problem for me. One problem I see in India is toll booths, giant structures constructed with frustrating frequency along all large new roads. The need is obvious, India is too corrupt and inefficient at collecting taxes to fully fund their infrastructure. The problems are two fold, the waste of the booth (or Plaza as they are euphemistically called) and the problems of PFI. George Osborne once labelled PFI a great mistake, before adopting 'Private Investment' as his solution for British Infrastructure. It's madness, shifting the costs of public works off the books only comes back to bite future generations as companies collect costs plus profits, which typically run to far more than the cost of the original investment as any contract also has to cover risks in returns. This insanity is worse with toll roads, which have the Plazas, giant monuments to inefficiency. These are concrete barriers, which cause each vehicle to decelerate, queue and accelerate, wasting both fuel and time. In some cases they can be justified, where the goal is to tax by road usage, in a country which is not sufficiently developed to use number plate recognition (think congestion charge). But in general these are monuments to the tragedy of human nature, and it's inability to organise for the common good.

In other ways India does recognise that the state of roads is critical for it's continued development. The roads are far better than Nepal, and the roads which have toll booths are some of the smoothest and fastest in India, it's not without benefit. The toll roads typically have solid central reservations, often with trees, which cuts out some of the most frightening road experiences. Many cities also recognise the problem of encroachment (illegal building along the edges of road) and have cracked out the bulldozers amongst much protest to remove the buildings. (articles on current progress on this in Varanasi, and mob reprisals resulting in destruction of government equipment in other parts of UP). But, and there is always a but, other roads have the opposite effect. Due to the poor ability of Indian drivers, the only solution governments have is to build speed bumps everywhere, even on fast roads. Sometimes these are unmarked, imagine driving down the motorway and encountering an unmarked speed bump...

No room (for foreigners), part 2

I've been having trouble in north India, in two towns the now familiar 'no room' problem in budget hotels. In these areas budget lodges are prevented from accepting foreigners, it has something to do with the local police and a particular 'form C' required to register their arrival. Foreigners entering is pretty obvious, it's not like any secret deals are possible. In practice this raises the cost for a room from about Rs300 to Rs800-1000. For a while I'd been upset by the illogicality of this, how does this help tourists (both cities have dedicated and very helpful tourist assistance persons at train and bus stations). But then it struck me, there are also foreign business travelers and PIOs to consider. Forcing a higher rate on these groups who have to visit a particular city can increase the income for the area. This is the link, the places where I have encountered the higher fees (Baroda, Lucknow, Chandigarh) are not on the typical tourist trail, or have other traits which make them unsuitable for budget travelers.
For places which do target foreigners, there isn't a clear advantage for forcing minimum rates on hotel rooms. There are two reasons, differentiation, and duration of stay. The first, differentiation, is that the facilities offered by each hotel vary, and in many tourist towns where rooms vary from Rs200 - Rs5000 per night certain tourists still opt for more expensive accommodation. These may offer pools, gyms, cleanliness, hot water, service and so on. In short the lack of a minimum rate does not necessarily drive down rates. This isn't entirely true, the price conscious (and desire not to be cheated) nature of most western tourists causes a large number of hotels to cluster within the lower end of the range.
The other factor is duration, Indian tourists and higher paying Western tourists may be on shorter stays than backpackers and travelers. It is fairly typical that in attractive spots, Indian tourists visit for the weekend whereas a western tourist may stay for at least a week. This leads to the almost amusing situation where western tourists are offered rates around Rs300 which for the same room an Indian pays Rs800-Rs1000. In the end the lodge owner makes roughly the same profit per week. There is also the effect, backpackers only visit or stay for this period because it is cheap.
Trying to explain this in a non tourist spot is very difficult. Indians who can afford to take a holiday are the richer middle class, and consequently pay more. (Price is also a symbol of status, it separates you from the those in different income brackets, and accommodation is chosen for this reason). The preconceived view amongst slightly backward Indians is that everyone from a Western country is rich, shouldn't these people have lots of money. Trying to explain that you want to pay 10% of what Indian tourists pay (I heard one tout call it the 'white rate'... a reversal) isn't easy. Western travelers do come from a different income bracket, and now there is a likelihood that the Indian middle class are wealthier than the young people on their limited savings, or their parents wallet.
Ultimately, returning to the issue of effective minimum rates, I have no problem with cities, states and nations which act in their own best interest, providing it is not to the direct detriment of a particular group. I do have real problems with incompetence and inefficiency, that is bad decisions. If it is in the best interest for these cities to squeeze money out of foreigners on business, so be it.

Concrete trees

Uttar Pradesh has a program to plant trees along the borders of highways and cities. As with most schemes in India, it should raise an eyebrow or two. Each tree planted is surrounded by brick and concrete rings just over a meter high. I'm not sure how much the bricks and concrete weigh, or how much carbon was released, but the construction seems an unspeakable waste. Mile after mile of these cylinders, marking the trees planted in the 'green highways' or whatever scheme. Of course in India grazing by road-roaming goats, cows and other animals is a big problem for new trees, but there are other dangers for plants. Sun, drought, disease, sometimes the brick rings are empty for these reason. Standing empty, I've decided to name these cylinders the concrete trees of UP.

India

Pro: Buses that fit me and my bags! Big spacious, cheap, fast (relatively) government buses
Pro: Limca (think cloudy lemonade, but like most soft drinks in India "contains no fruit")
Con: Diahorrea
Con: Supply shortage of Limca at my first stay

Uttar Pradesh

It's grim, really grim. If I was royal I would likely say Ghastly. Perhaps just before the rainy season isn't the best time to visit this place, with high humidity and temperatures and dry dusty earth. The small fields, each barely 15 to 20m per side, are empty, and the brown earth stretches to the horizon. The landscape is textured by the small grass mounds which mark the boundary of each field, and the occasional cluster of trees which have survived the purges of population growth. Dotted about this landscape are also the single story concrete houses, mostly painted white. With the fields empty there isn't much to do and outside each house there is a bed and on this bed the men sit, or lie. In the towns the main industry seems to be tractor retail, but the effect is almost comic. Without the cooperatives, and merging of land which has occurred elsewhere the tractors do most of their work in tight circles, visible long after they have finished. Other farmers still are still in the fields with their oxes or cows, which have a tighter turning circle. I arrive in the city of Gorakpur, it's not much better...

Red socks

You know you've been walking in a leech infested place when your gray socks emerge from your shoes bright red. Somehow the little parasites can squeeze into the tightest shoe, and a single non-clotting bite can stain half your foot.

VISAs

Get me the people I need to pay to bribe the people to get me a 6 month VISA...

If you're in a corrupt country its probably better to have someone 'sort your application out'